AUTHOR: Slublog DATE: 12/30/2004 01:21:00 PM ----- BODY: 2005 - The National Review writers make their political predictions for the upcoming year. Hugh Hewitt reviews his own scorecard from last year. Here are the tongue-in-cheek predictions I made last year:
1 - In a desperate attempt to prop up his campaign, John Kerry offers to show off his war wounds during a Democrat debate, thus becoming the first candidate for president to drop his pants on national television. 2 - Pre-election polls will show President Bush with support at 60 percent. The New York Times calls the poll proof that the country is "evenly divided" 3 - "Lord of the Rings: Return of the King" will not win Best Picture at the Academy Awards, prompting millions of film fans to ignore the Oscars yet another year. 4 - After losing the nomination, Dennis Kucinich returns to his home planet. 5 - Howard Dean attends a NASCAR race to connect with 'regular people.' He will leave in a huff upon realizing there is no bike path at the Daytona track. 6 - During the 'All-Star Survivors' program on CBS, one of the tribes kidnaps host Jeff Probst and threatens to use him for rations unless given immunity for the rest of the show. 7 - In an attempt to appeal to religious conservatives, Howard Dean changes his favorite song from "Jaspora" by Wyclef Jean to "I Can Only Imagine" by MercyMe. 8 - Someone hits Bill O'Reilly. 9 - Saddam Hussein cries while being interviewed by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Phil is brought on the show to help the former dictator deal with his childhood abandonment issues.
Okay, none were serious, although I wish number 6 had really happened. So what's in store for 2005? Here are my actual, serious predictions, in no particular order:
--The U.S. will capture or kill Osama bin Laden and Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. --Iraq will hold a successful election. John Kerry will cry (okay, maybe not completely serious predictions) --"Fahrenheit 9/11" will win Best Picture. Martin Scorcese will win Best Director. "The Passion of the Christ" will get some token art direction award. --Chief Justice Renquist will step down, and Clarence Thomas will be named as his successor. He will be easily appointed. --The Patriots will win the Super Bowl. The Red Sox will lose their first game. --Social Security reform will pass. A surprising number of Democrats will support it. --Tax reform will fail. --MoveOn takes a greater role in the Democrat party and helps choose the new chair. --Someone on DemocraticUnderground will compare Bush to Hitler.
It's going to be an interesting year, I think. --------